A Letter For My Daughter
by Rosesdancinginmymind
Summary: Cora writes a letter to Regina. Sort of companion piece to a fic of mine called Lost. Really depressing one-shot.


AN: This is a companion piece to another fic of mine called Lost. It should still make sense on it's own. This really bummed me out while writing it so my apologies but it kept sticking in my brain so I decided to write it down. I don't own Once or its characters.

_Regina,_

_I've been talking to Dr Hopper lately; he says I should write to you. I've been putting it off for a long time but today I'm sitting under your apple tree and I knew it was time to do this. _

_It's been a year since that accident and honey I miss you so much. I wonder what would have happened had we not made you remember. Part of me wishes that we had chosen not to wake you up and that we had left you in your memory land, just so that you'd still be here. But, I remember that you weren't really here, you were already leaving us then. You were like a ghost of my daughter not the one I'd got to know since getting my heart back._

_I'm trying to remember the you from then, not the one I manipulated and talked into doing evil things, but the way you were with Emma and Henry, so carefree and happy. When my heart was put back in, I felt so happy to see you, I love you so much and I hadn't noticed because of how blind I was for power. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. I want you to know that had I had my heart I would never have hurt you, I wouldn't have used magic on you, I would have let you be happy. _

_We made you wake up, we brought you back to reality but we should have known that without Emma you didn't know what to do. You were trying, I know you were sweetheart and I should have seen how hard it was for you, and I should have seen how much it was hurting you to try. I know you missed her. I know you loved her, I should have known you couldn't be without her. _

_Henry was so mad at you. He didn't understand how you could leave. He misses you Regina. I know you used to get so scared that he still hated you but he loves you so much. He misses you and Emma. He stays with Snow and Charming most days but on the days where their grief is just too much, he comes here. He doesn't like coming here; to be honest I don't like being here. No matter where we are in the house we can see memories of you and Emma. This is your house. This was your house. It feels like a ghost house Henry says. He doesn't come over very often. I think he still expects you to be here. _

_Your father and I don't speak very often. It's too hard. Every time we see each other it's just a reminder of what we lost. He misses you dearly honey, so do I. He understands though, why you couldn't stay with us. _

_The town seems so different without you and Emma. You and she had more impact than you realised. It's like the town is somehow too quiet, it feels like there is a presence missing. Granny misses you. She and I have spoken a little. She was good to you. I'm glad you had someone. There's a booth in the back that no-one sits in. Everyone still sees it as your booth. Yours and Emma's. No-one wants to sit there knowing that, they don't want to take that booth away from you. It feels haunted. Ruby makes sure it's cleaned every day; she says it's what you would want. On your birthday Granny made apple pancakes even though you weren't there to eat them. _

_Your birthday was difficult. It might have been the worst day yet. Every day is hard, waking up in this house and remembering that you won't be here, that I won't see you sipping a mug of coffee, or rolling your eyes at me, or walking down the street. But your birthday was just so painful; it was like a harsh reminder that you weren't going to be any older. Your father and I visited you with Henry. Henry had a present for you, he said it was one he was going to give it to you last year but the year before he had still been mad at you, he thought he'd get another chance to give you it. As we stood there I thought of all the birthdays I'd missed, I knew Rumpel was thinking the same thing. He couldn't speak to me, it was my fault he'd missed them all. You'd told me that your best birthday was still your ninth birthday when I let you ride a horse for the first time. _

_I remember the day that we found you. It was pouring rain and freezing cold. I was worried about you being outside in this weather. You'd had a session with Archie and I was waiting for you to return home. By seven you hadn't. I called Archie and he said you'd left hours ago, I could feel a pit growing in my stomach. I called your father, I called Henry but they didn't know where you were. Part of me knew then, that you weren't coming home. I went out to look for you everywhere, I asked Ruby for help and she led us straight to that park. I know why you chose there. It was where it all started. It was the last place you were truly happy. We found you but it was too late. _

_We buried you next to Emma. Her parents argued initially but they gave in knowing it was right in the end, that the two of you belonged together. Rumpel and I didn't know what to put on the stone. I asked Henry but he didn't know. There aren't enough words in the human language to sum up you. There aren't enough words in space and time to describe how much we miss and love you. We ended up keeping it simple._

Regina Maria Mills

1978-2013

Our beloved daughter, mother, fiancée, gone too soon.

We miss you.

_We picked the date from this world because in this world you were happy even if it was for a short time. I wonder if you're happy, if you're with Emma. I hope you are Regina. I wish I'd been a better mother to you, I wish you were still here so I could make up all those mistakes to you but I know I can't. I hope you're somewhere safe and happy. I don't think I can write anymore, just know that I love you to the moon and back, I forgive you for leaving, I understand why you had to go, I miss you more than words can say._

_Mother_


End file.
